I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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