it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
