That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
