i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
