thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My penis needs a shock collar
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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