ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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