I puked a lego.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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