I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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