Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's like iHOP with fire
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
