Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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