I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
