I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm passing your future prison.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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