he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
