I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My first STD was from a foam party
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Alive.
So much puke
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
