found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
