I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
