What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
