hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
