She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have fence marks all over my body
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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