just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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