$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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