I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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