Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
