Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
