also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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