theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
