update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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