dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize