I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
