I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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