um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
