I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize