I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
