the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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