well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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