I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
