I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
