Who wears a wallet chain?!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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