yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize