thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
