I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
