dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
