my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
