I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize