Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
