my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is Oprah even human
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
