so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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