sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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