Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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