Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
