She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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