Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
