i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
