I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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