hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
