Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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