my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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