once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize