So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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