he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
