Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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