I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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