He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
