i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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