he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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