Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
