you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
