I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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