On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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