it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
